Now that I’m more desperate than ever about going back to my country.. A question came to my mind..
I contacted my embassy cause I couldn’t afford to go back by my own, so asked them for help. And first they said that even when I didn’t had any criminal records, problems with the police or anything that could invalid my reason to go back, my case was not considered as an emergency so they just not helped.
Second time, before I was officially illegal in the UK, they simply did not answer me.
So I wonder, how does the Mexico government raither to have a mexican suffer all the horrible things that immigrants pass through before actually being sent to their countries, and women specially? How can’t they help someone of their own to go back home?
I explained and they swear they understand my situacion, that I did not come to work or anything, that I was not planning on being an illegal; and yet, they simply continued their lives as if I would’ve never contact them.
Dogs are trully the man’s bestfriend..
I’ve been depressed for not being able to return my country for a while now, and the family I’m living with, got a puppy last sunday..
Since they work and my friend goes to school, it was kind of obvious that it’d be me the one that would take care of him.
And it’s been helping to go through my depression without doing the stupids things I used to do when depressed like self-harm and stuff. Since the first day we got connected. Cause both were sad.
His mom rejected him at birth, and didn’t allow him to feed from her. So we got him a month early.. So he was sad, not being wanted for his mom, now being in a different house with people he didn’t recognize.
Must had been difficult for him.. And me being in this situation..
Now he’s my bestfriend..he might not be my pet but I love him and I can tell he loves me already..
He won’t judge me, he won’t criticise me.. he will just love me for who i am and I’ll make sure he grows up the better way possible while I’m here.
He has the most sweetest eyes, I love the way he looks at me before falling asleep on my tights.
he helps me making my loneliness and my sadness better and I’ll always be thankful to him for that
“Maybe our favorite quotations say more about us than about the stories and people we’re quoting.”
– John Green
“We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect.”
– Anaïs Nin.
Living in my nan’s little town in México for almost all my life, coming from a poor family, then having my parents looking for the “american dream” which got me into a depression for almost 7 years, made me crave badly to come to England and visit my bestfriend, couldn’t get a better person in my life even if I tried.
So, I found myself in pursuit, thinking that coming here it’d make it ok, specially since a special person who’s not in my life anymore unfortuantely, promised me “everything will be ok when you come to England”.
But like everything in life, this has its good and bad..
Leaving my country by myself for the first time, combined with traveling alone for the first time made me a better person; it has been the experience and aventure of my life, at 21 years-old I find myself discovering who I am, what I am and what I’m capable of..
But the bad side, it created more problems with my family, my friends, my friend and her family whom generously took me in when they didn’t even know me.
I have always said “I’m not hurting my friend ever, she’s the best I have” yet, it was on the list apparently; indirectly I had, living in her house, with her family taking me over her at first, then after 6 months, everyone seems so fed up of me being around, and I can’t blame them. They didn’t ask for this, they weren’t ready for me to come and specially for such a long time.
We all know that since I have no money left to go back, without my own embassy helping me, with immigration not answering to me, I might be here for even longer.. We all embraced the idea, but it doesn’t mean we’re ok with it, specially me.
I want to go back, to my life, to the people who showed me they’re really there all this time I’ve been away no matter what, no matter if they family or friends (brothers for another mothers to me).
There’s a tough path waiting for me when I go back.. But since my not so impossible dream of coming to England became truth, I’m sure it’s not something I can’t deal with.
I feel bad for this family, I never did wrong at a mayor level for them to regret taking me in, I’ve helped as much as I could.. But they can’t do this longer and neither can’t I.
One curious thing of all this, ever since I wanted to come I always dreamed with spending my birthday here, surrounded by cool people I might to know, new friends.. And now that it seems to actually happen; I don’t want to.. My mom and baby brothers went back to México and they’re waiting for me, and I want to be next to them, specially after 7 years of not seeing my mom and without actually meeting my brothers in person.
After being this the best part of my life.. Is being stuck here my punishment for being selfish enough to pursuit a dream?
Or am I just a girl with bad luck who should’ve planned such a trip better?
It was my first time though, I think it went a lot better than expected but still..