Living in my nan’s little town in México for almost all my life, coming from a poor family, then having my parents looking for the “american dream” which got me into a depression for almost 7 years, made me crave badly to come to England and visit my bestfriend, couldn’t get a better person in my life even if I tried.

So, I found myself in pursuit, thinking that coming here it’d make it ok, specially since a special person who’s not in my life anymore unfortuantely, promised me “everything will be ok when you come to England”.

But like everything in life, this has its good and bad..

Leaving my country  by myself for the first time, combined with traveling alone for the first time made me a better person; it has been the experience and aventure of my life, at 21 years-old I find myself discovering who I am, what I am and what I’m capable of..

But the bad side, it created more problems with my family, my friends, my friend and her family whom generously took me in when they didn’t even know me.

I have always said “I’m not hurting my friend ever, she’s the best I have” yet, it was on the list apparently; indirectly I had, living in her house, with her family taking me over her at first, then after 6 months, everyone seems so fed up of me being around, and I can’t blame them. They didn’t ask for this, they weren’t ready for me to come and specially for such a long time.

We all know that since I have no money left to go back, without my own embassy helping me, with immigration not answering to me, I might be here for even longer.. We all embraced the idea, but it doesn’t mean we’re ok with it, specially me.

I want to go back, to my life, to the people who showed me they’re really there all this time I’ve been away no matter what, no matter if they family or friends (brothers for another mothers to me).

There’s a tough path waiting for me when I go back.. But since my not so impossible dream of coming to England became truth, I’m sure it’s not something I can’t deal with.

I feel bad for this family, I never did wrong at a mayor level for them to regret taking me in, I’ve helped as much as I could.. But they can’t do this longer and neither can’t I.

One curious thing of all this, ever since I wanted to come I always  dreamed with spending my birthday here, surrounded by cool people  I might to know, new friends.. And now that it seems to actually happen; I don’t want to.. My mom and baby brothers went back to México and they’re waiting for me, and I want to be next to them, specially after 7 years of not seeing my mom and without actually meeting my brothers in person.

After being this the best part of my life.. Is being stuck here my punishment for being selfish enough to pursuit a dream?

Or am I just a girl with bad luck who should’ve planned such a trip better?

It was my first time though, I think it went a lot better than expected but still..

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